I guess the blog redesign (version 1.0) is complete. It’s definitely missing something (neon colors?)… but then again, aren’t we all?

Can’t spell “Friday night” without “complete blog redesign” … Oh, wait, yes you can. I am outta here. I’ll finish later.

-To make the greatest-ever, longest-lasting contribution to human culture and history.

-To consider this selfish urge of humanity to make more things in order to somehow justify our own existence here on Earth.

-To address the humor and tragedy inherent in the power of the human brain.

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I am actually turning these in tomorrow.

Sunday’s car stereo experiment did not go well. Currently there are two stereo decks on my passenger seat and a completely disassembled center console on the floor. I still have a couple ideas that could potentially get my system back in working order, but right now it looks like there’s a 70% chance I’ll be going with Plan B, which is to install a tape recorder in the dashboard and make a recording every time I get in the car to go anywhere. As far as Plan B’s go, this one isn’t too bad. I’ll just have shelves and shelves of tapes by the time all is said and done, like my dad’s friend up in Sacramento who has a whole wall of Grateful Dead live bootleg tapes. I know, what a freak, right?

There is no conclusion to yesterday’s LOST discussion. Except that if you tag your blog posts with things like “LOST” and “LOST spoilers,” you will get a good number of hits that day. Actually, that kind of explains why they’ve been dragging us along all these years, offering no answers, only question after addictive question. Ratings. So, it really is about entertainment and how easy it is to manipulate people. Fake Locke’s use of Ben to kill Jacob confirms this. You people make me sick.

Tonight LOST returns, and I am thoroughly overjoyed. However — while most fans of the show are known to get nearly as much pleasure from speculating on message boards and trying to dig up secrets of the island as they do from actually watching the program, I must say that I enjoy being a passive viewer. As compelling as the mysteries are that swirl about the show, I just seem to have more fun when I sit back and drink the Kool-Aid.

Of course, you probably noticed a bunch of words below and read the headline — like any good LOST fanatic, I bet you already predicted: Despite the above eschewing of conjecture, I’m going to offer my own interpretation and predictions for this final season of the most entertaining show ever. RIGHT! NOW!

Good versus Evil. Past, present, and future. Sex and explosions. These, my friends, are the most important topics in our collective human consciousness; indeed, this is reflected in great cultural works from The Odyssey to the Terminator film franchise. LOST is no different. Through and within these universal issues, the creators of the show have staged a timeless drama with so many twists and turns woven throughout its numerous plot holes that people seem to forget that there is a big picture at hand. Just as the conflict between Jacob and his mysterious nemesis suggests, we are talking about huge implications here.

Get ready to have your mind blown:

-On September 22, 2004, ABC premiered LOST.

-Five days later, NBC announced that Jay Leno would be stepping down from his job as host of The Tonight Show in 2009. He was to be succeeded by Conan O’Brien.

-In 2007, as the date of his departure loomed, Jay started to regret his decision to leave and began negotiating his return to the network (before he had even finished!).

-Season 3 of LOST concluded in 2007 with a flash-forward, the first of its kind in a show based on present actions and flashbacks to the characters’ pasts. In it, protagonists Jack Shephard and Kate Austen have successfully escaped the island, but something isn’t right. The sequence immediately follows a scene in which the islanders are still very much on the island, and closes the show with Jack’s desperate words: “We have to go back!”

-And go back they did. As Conan took over Jay’s spot as Tonight Show host in 2009, Jay returned with his own show in an earlier time slot and the “Oceanic Six” made it back to the island. Those who did not escape the island with Jack, Kate, and the other four, remained on the island and suffered through a series of time-travel mishaps, eventually landing back in time, in 1974.

-As we’re all aware, due to poor ratings from both performers, NBC felt compelled to drastically shift their programming at the beginning of 2010. Leno’s new show was swiftly canceled, but his star status earned him consideration as a supplemental or preemptive host of Conan’s program: the proposition was to send Conan’s show to 12:05am and to let Leno open the late night programming in his old time slot (an anagram for “lost” –ed.) of 11:35pm. Disgusted by the plan to literally send The Tonight Show into Tomorrow and feeling increasingly unwelcome, Conan ceded his tenuous hold on the show and bid farewell to NBC. As we stand today, it seems that Leno will be reclaiming his post at the late night institution in March of this year.

-Meanwhile, the last season of LOST ended with them exploding the island in an effort to re-set time and make everything go back to the way it always was, and, some would argue, the way it always was supposed to be.

-During the Conan-Jay fiasco at NBC, ABC (home of LOST)’s late night figure, Jimmy Kimmel made a few headlines with his Tuesday, January 12 episode — he performed the whole show as Jay Leno. His guest that night, Chevy Chase, appeared as Conan. The following night, Jay interviewed Jimmy on his show.

-There has been more than one case of body doubling in the LOST universe, the most recent example coming when John Locke witnesses himself interacting with others.

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What is LOST about, really? On the surface we have a complex tale about a set of hapless losers who get stuck on a weird island and learn something about themselves as they try to survive together in the wild. Meanwhile some strange spirit- and god-like entities loom in various capacities, either controlling or trying to control the fate of the island and its inhabitants. But to talk about the show in this way is to forget the most important cast member: the mega-media world we live in. Yes, folks, we’ve gone postmodern. LOST is about entertainment.

BAM! LOST.

(to be continued; cue creepy end credit music)

Hello devotees. Sorry the pickings have been so slim around here these days. Writing in a blog is like writing in a diary: stupid. No, I mean, it’s like going to the gym: boring. No, what I am trying to say is that writing in a blog is a habit-based activity. If you stop doing it regularly, it’s very hard to get back in to the groove of things. So actually it’s more like a car battery: if you don’t use it, it dies.

Jeez, I’ve gotten really bad at this. But this weekend, a good pal suggested I keep writing the blog because, in her paraphrased words, it was the only thing that made her happy in this life. So here’s attempt #1 at being a regular blogger once again.

While I was in California for 4+ weeks my car sat in the garage. I had my awesome landlord-neighbor take it around the block a few times, to keep everything in working form. For whatever reason though, the battery was dead when I got back. No big deal, we jumped it and everything’s fine. EXCEPT: I have a car stereo with an anti-theft feature. Whenever the car stereo is disconnected from the battery, it is disabled, so if some crook tries to put it in a different car, he needs the super-secret “security disc” (which I chose) to put in the CD player and re-activate the thing. Cool idea guys, but it’s always been more of a hassle than a worthwhile addition. Every time the car’s electrical system gets worked on, or the battery dies, or the battery connection is interrupted in any way, the security feature is activated. Then I gotta grab the CD and go through the process of enabling the stereo. Annoying.

Well, a few months ago, the CD player completely crapped out on me. It was no big deal because by then I was using my iPod with tape deck adapter and never really planned on using the CD player again… until now.

With the CD player unable to read my security disc, there must be some way around it, right? Unfortunately it’s a pretty good security system. The tech hotline says I’m fucked, gotta buy a new CD changer.

But they don’t know that I drive a 1994 Nissan Sentra with 188000 miles on it and no paint… I am not buying anything. Mike gave me a extra (stolen?) CD player deck he had lying around which I am now in the process of trying to figure out. So far, outlook not good. I will keep you updated.